By the time the nice SBB lady announces Avenches, I was thinking I was royally screwed. Frantic text messages are sent to Chris. “Chris, WTF! Where the hell is Avenches. That’s where I’m heading.” Soon followed is Chris’ reply, “Haha, man, you’re on the wrong train”.
He proceeds to tell me to get off on the next stop and proceed back to Bern. He doesn’t know why the train went south to Payerne and not straight to Neuchatel. And apparently, Chris and Jason have made the same mistake I had. And they still can’t figure out why. “It’s a hit or miss”, they say. “Sometimes you end up in Neuchatel, and sometimes in Payerne”. This was the converation they were having when we were in Bern. I definitely should have paid more attention to this tidbit of crucial info.
Anyways, the train reaches Payerne and what was once a packed train, there was only the lone passenger that was me left. I head out quickly to the ‘Departing Times’ chart and find that the very train I was just on is heading back to Bern. Sweet! I can get off back in Kerzers. Surely there’ll be some random train that goes to Neuchatel from there. Screw Bern! I jump back in just as the doors begin to shut. I have a new sense of renewed hope.
Kerzers is announced on the intercom, and I am ready this time like a cat ready to pounce on an unsuspecting prey. I’m by the doors when the train suddenly stops, before the platform. #@%$@!!. It dawns on me that the train isn’t stopping at Kerzers. I frantically keep pushing the giant green buttons, hoping that’d do something good and somehow, the doors will magically open, and I can just jump out into the ditch below and run to the platform. Neuchatel is where I belong, not Bern. I run to the opposite end of the train cab and try other doors. No luck. I see an emergency exit bar. Tempting. A sweet cute Swiss-French girl says something in English! “It will just be in 1 minute”. Hallelujah give me a pig and I’ll kiss it — I was relieved!!! And happy not to look like a silly lost American anymore.
1 hour of waiting in the cold frigid dark weather of Kerzers platform 4C all by myself (Kerzers being a small town of 5k), my beloved Regio arrives to take me back to Neuchatel and I don’t care that it’s the retarded Regio (the slowest train in Switzerland only because it makes all the local stops, thereby exponentially making a normal 15 minute train ride into an hour).
I get back around 9:30 p.m. and Chris and Jason are having a riot about my story. So here’s something, a haiku for all my troubles. And I’ll find out the next day and de-mystify the hit or miss train from Bern to Neuchatel.
Ode to Regio (How to Get to Neuchatel from Bern)
Kerzers, stay in front
Platform 12A not 12B
Or go to Payern
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